The 10 Worst Charlie Sheen Films

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10. Hot Shots: Part Deux
The first Hot Shots film made the fatal mistake of believing it was funny. Part Two puts the joke on the audience, asking you to measure your lack of intelligence based on how many times this film makes you grin uncontrollably. We tested 1000 randomly chosen members of the public. After the screening the noise level was recorded to determine how much the audience laughed and therefore measure the intelligence of the entire group. The sound device recorded nothing. The audience were geniuses!

9. Major League 2
A very enjoyable baseball movie is sequelised by a very poor one. Walking erection Charlie Sheen, who once shot actress Kelly Preston, phones in another rubbish performance

charlie sheen, worst movies,

8. Rated X
All the talent in the Estevez family went to Dad Martin Sheen and son Emilio Estevez. It’s a lovely gesture by Emelio to help his less talented brother Charlie out but he should know the guy is a curse on anyone and anything that crosses his path. That includes the film. Rated X, directed by underrated actor-director Emelio Estevez is about the porn industry – something Charlie Sheen knows all about. It features porn actress Kim Poirier who Charlie probably slept with then assaulted (I will clarify that with the statement – that is based on my own opinion and is not fact, just a very well-educated guess).

7. Terminal Velocity
Sex pest and drug abuser Charlie Sheen may only have taken the role in Terminal Velocity because his character’s name rhymed with Bitch. This inept action film can be summed up thusly: a pink rubber glove-wearing Christopher McDonald is the bad guy.

6. Scary Movie 3 and Scary Movie 4
The first Scary Movie film was so dumb it didn’t realise that the film it was supposed to be parodying – Wes Craven’s Scream – was actually a postmodern parody itself. The joke was therefore on the filmmakers. Admittedly, Scary Movie had its moments but there was no need for a sequel let alone a third and fourth movie. Charlie Sheen took time out from his exceedingly exciting life to appear in two of the franchise’s painfully bad sequels.

5. The Big Bounce
Sunshine and naked women can’t help The Big Bounce from avoiding its own rear end. Huge cast but they only care about their pay cheques.

4. Shadow Conspiracy
Wonderful cast – if Charlie Sheen wasn’t in it – but a terrible conspiracy thriller about power-grabbing in the White House.

charlie sheen, bad movies,

3. Navy Seals
Charlie Sheen tries to prove he has a penis as a hard man among other hard men in the truly atrocious Navy Seals. Worth watching if only to see a part re-teaming of Marines Bill Paxton and Michael Biehn from Aliens, Navy Seals is the sort of brainless action film that rots the brain without you even knowing it. Sheen’s limp performance is just one down-note in a whole bunch down-notes.

2. The Chase
Charlie Sheen plays an idiot (so right up his street) who escapes police by taking a hostage and making off with her car. He becomes a media sensation as the cops chase his vehicle across town. This is about as exciting as cutting toe nails. Kristy Swanson plays the girl – I’m guessing, again educationally, that Sheen slept with her, did some cocaine, then assaulted her with bottles of Budweiser.

1. Deadfall
Charlie Sheen turns up – for a few minutes – in this crazy film about Nicolas Cage doing crazy things. It doesn’t make any sense but then neither does Charlie Sheen when he’s speaking.

Written and compiled by Fabian Jackson

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  1. Custard Reply

    Nice list, made me chuckle quite a bit.

    Is there actually a Good Charlie Sheen film?

    Thanks for posting!!!

    C

  2. Sasha Reply

    I approve of this post in general, but with the red picture in particular.

  3. Rodney Reply

    Man, I enjoyed Navy Seals and The Chase. Then again, I one thought Charlie Sheen was a quality human being. Apparently, I was misinformed.

  4. Luke Reply

    Well, I’m resting easy in the consolation that I’ve seen none of these movies. But I feel deeply bad for the compiler who has sat through all 10.

  5. amy Reply

    Wait, I gotta laugh here. xD

  6. Dan Reply

    In a quiet sort of way I too like The Chase and few other Sheen films that might have appeared on this list like Money Talks (I think that’s what it’s called). And Terminal Velocity is worth watching for the skydiving stuff. Navy Seals is a terrible film though.

  7. PapaStevesie Reply

    I don’t know how you guys forgot about ‘the Arrival’, unless the mere presence of Ron Silver as the bad guy made it ineligible for this list.

  8. sundryandco Reply

    I’ve had a slight memory lapse – Is the “I have my father’s eyes” gag from the first or second Hot Shots? Back when I was (literally) about six years old, I thought Sheen and Hot Shots were one of the funniest things I had seen (apart from the ending of the Life of Brian) – That’s the only reason I would be less inclined to place them on this list – However, if I was to watch them again with the maturity (ha) that I now possess, I suspect that I would be in full agreement with their inclusion! Then again, maybe my sense of humour, like my height, has not grown since the early 90s. At the moment though, I still have a vague recollection of the times when I thought they were winning, and also like a rockstar from Mars.

  9. Colleeng Reply

    Well this list is an education itself because I couldn’t even name ten Charlie Sheen films period! I was also reminded that I saw Rated X. So I’ve even seen ones I don’t remember. Hey that’s acting Charlie! I’ll never understand how fame works. He’s clearly the least talented and I’ve always wondered if his fame and behavior made Emilio just throw in the towel. You know he’s making wine now with his wife. Very small local label in SoCal.

  10. Marc Reply

    He wasn’t good in it but I still like Navy Seals but it may be the nostalgia talking:P Glad to see The Arrival wasn’t on here…that was quite good and a decent turn from Charlie.

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