Top 10 Worst Films of 2013

Having given you his take on the best movies of 2013, Ryan Pollard takes a look at the worst of the year including Pain & Gain, Movie 43, Run For Your Wife & Diana…

We may have had our Top 10 of 2013, but now we have the flipside, the darkside of that equation with the 10 worst films of 2013. How bad is it? It’s so bad that stinkers like Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Scary Movie 5 and The Hangover Part III didn’t make it into the list! So, now it’s time to go through the Top… or should that be Bottom 10 of 2013. Oh, boy…

10. A Good Day to Die Hard (John Moore)

a-good-day-to-die-hard-worst-movies-2013Definitely more like “a bad day to die hard”; this idiotic fifth instalment is, by far and away, the weakest entry in a now dragged-out franchise. Not even Bruce Willis’ smirking demeanour can enliven what is a dull, clichéd and uninspiring stinker where bystanders are killed, cars are crashed, guns are spent and helicopters explode. Blah bloody blah… literally. Apparently a sixth Die Hard (“Die Hardest”) is on its way soon. Just shoot me now.

9. Texas Chainsaw 3D (John Luessenhop)

Texas_Chainsaw_3D_worst-movies-2013Is it a remake, a reboot, a reimagining or whatever? Who knows? Who cares? There’s nothing so bad as having modern filmmakers cannibalise beloved classic horror movies for mere profit… and in horrible stereoscopy.

8. Kick-Ass 2 (Jeff Wadlow)

kick-ass-2_worst-movies-2013The film that demonstrates what can be so bad about a bad film. It’s not just that a film isn’t any good at all, but they can also be very disappointing after having your expectations for them set very high, and that is the case with Kick-Ass 2. If you just imagine how truly special the first Kick-Ass was (my personal favourite film ever), and how it was so adventurous, exciting, and dangerous. Then you’ll know what a real stinker its sequel is. A proper disappointment.

7. Grown Ups 2 (Dennis Dugan)

grown-ups-2_worst-movies-2013As if Adam Sandler couldn’t have dug himself a bigger hole to sink himself into, Grown Ups 2 is a film that will certainly bore, annoy, and disgust audiences of nearly every other persuasion. Such a shame it had to take $246 million worldwide, resulting in a very real possibility for the existence of Grown Ups 3.

6. Diana (Oliver Hirschbiegel)

diana_worst-movies-2013“Can you really die of a broken heart?” asks Diana. Maybe not, but watching this film, you can surely die of boredom. Naomi Watts tries her best, but Diana buries her efforts under a completely shoddy, made-for-TV, script and clumsy direction from an intelligent filmmaker. Diana was the universal critical raspberry of 2013.

5. The Internship (Shawn Levy)

the-internship_worst-movies-2013The Internship weighs down Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s comic charisma even further with a formulaic script and a padded running time that makes the whole thing feel like an extended 2-hour advert for Google. It’s one of the most witless, humourless, horribly self-satisfied, vomit-inducingly smug, unfunny comedies I have ever seen.

4. The Counsellor (Ridley Scott)

counsellor_worst-movies-2013Another perfect example of how a film that could’ve and should’ve been good, but turned out to be a real disappointment. We may usually get idiotic films made by idiotic filmmakers, but it’s a completely different matter when Ridley Scott, Cormac McCarthy, Michael Fassbender, Penelope Cruz, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem and a whole host of others get together to create something as abominable as The Counsellor. A genuinely awful film made by genuinely creative people. What went wrong?

3. Run For Your Wife (Ray Cooney, John Luton)

run-for-your-wife_worst-movies-2013The not-so eagerly anticipated screen adaptation of Ray Cooney’s trouser-dropping stage farce. Danny Dyer stands on a rake, Neil Morrissey sits on a cake, and Denise Van Outen and Sarah Harding both play conflicting bickering wives. Almost everyone in the British Film Industry is in this catastrophe, but thank goodness it only took £602 in its opening weekend.

2. Movie 43 (Various)

Movie-43_worst-movies-2013A star studded film that turned out to be a catastrophic catalogue of celebrity embarrassments, the biggest names in Hollywood (ranging from Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Richard Gere, Uma Thurman, etc.) turn up in Movie 43, only to make complete and utter fools of themselves, probably because the filmmakers got something on them. The Hollywood equivalent of Run For Your Wife.

1. Pain & Gain (Michael Bay)

Pain--Gain_worst-movies-2013For years, Michael Bay has constantly made films that are witless and dull, but Pain & Gain was a film that could have been different. It could have cast a new light on Bay in a way that showed he had put his explosive past behind him to create something that was thought provoking, intriguing and creative.

But it hasn’t.

Instead he has made a film that is vile, nasty, hateful, loathsome, stupid, and quite evil. By far and away, the worst film of 2013.

So what did you think? Do you agree with the list? What were your worst films of last year?

Written and compiled by Ryan Pollard.

About the Author
Ryan Pollard is a former student of Animation at the University of Huddersfield.

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  1. Rodney Reply

    Respectfully, I’d like to say Movie 43 is easily the #1 pick. Oh, and The Taking was also a shocking, shocking example of a film; I dare to say it doesn’t even class as a “film” in the true sense of the word.

  2. Dan Reply

    That A Good Day to Die Hard makes a list featuring the likes of Movie 43 and Run For Your Wife highlights just what a monstrosity of a sequel it was. Can Hollywood stop making Die Hard movies please…without John McTiernan there is very little point.

    • Ryan Pollard Reply

      Exactly! They are no longer Die Hard films! They have just become generic dumbo action clunkers!

  3. Seth Imis Reply

    Sounds like you lucked out since you clearly didn’t see Machete Kills, Scary Movie 5, Identity Thief, The Family, Beautiful Creatures, Saving Santa, The Host, Emperor, Gone Too Far!, As I Lay Dying or The Hangover, Part 111. Totally agree with Die Hard 5 and The Counsellor

    • Ryan Pollard Reply

      I actually rather enjoyed Beautiful Creatures, and I thought The Host was alright. Scary Movie 5 and The Hangover Part III came close, and the rest were just dull.

  4. Neal Damiano Reply

    Great list, Ryan, I agree with all you have chosen for sure. They should just stop with the Texas Chainsaw reboots or franchise…literally killing such a raw amazing low budget grind house masterpiece becoming an iconic film………just let it be remembered please Holloywood and stop doing these butchered no pun intended (laughing) horrible remakes. This also goes for the Die hard franchise great series it was, but it should of ended at part three. I love Willis but he’s getting older now and it just doesn’t have the same boom as the first few. So you hit this list right on!!

  5. Evan Crean Reply

    The only films on your list that I have seen are A Good Day to Die Hard and Kick Ass 2, both of which would end up on my worst of list from 2013, so I completely agree with you there. John McClane keeps yelling “I’m on vacation!” senselessly, even though he’s NOT there on vacation. Plus Kick Ass 2 thought it could get away with rape jokes. Not funny.

    The others I missed mostly due to lack of time or lack of interest in subjecting myself to such shoddy material. Want to know the sad thing about Grown Ups 2? Here in the U.S. it beat the crap out of Pacific Rim at the box office. If that doesn’t show how moronic the average moviegoer is, I don’t know what is. Pacific Rim is no Academy Award winner, but it’s leagues better than Grown Ups 2 I’m sure. Sigh.

    I have to admit I’m at least a little curious about Pain and Gain, since I know some people who really dug it. If there’s any on this list I might actually watch, that one is it.

  6. Lights Camera Reaction Reply

    Aw, I didn’t think The Counselor was that bad haha.
    Texas Chainsaw 3D was horrific, so terrible. Happy it made your list.

  7. jjames36 Reply

    Again, I haven’t seen all of these, but the ones I have seen . . . they’re not good. Movie 43, The Counsellor, Kick Ass 2, Pain and Gain . . . all worthy entrants to a Bottom 10 list of 2013.

    I wouldn’t call any of them the worst (that honor goes to Getaway), but ain’t none of them good.

  8. Novroz Reply

    First of all, I love your new theme Dan 🙂
    Second, I haven’t see any of those movies and I will keep in mind to skip it when I see them somewhere

  9. thy critic man Reply

    The majority of the list works for me with the exception of Pain & Gain. Not a fan of Bay, but I think he did better than I would usually expect. The worst film of the year is something I cannot believe.

    With that said, I still cannot call it a good movie. It was simply an effective time passer. I keep hearing about “Run for your Wife”, and none of it is good news. Makes me kind of interested to see bad it possibly can be…

  10. Keith Reply

    Good…err bad list of movies here. Grown Ups 2 was my worst film of the year. It’s only the second movie that I’ve given an illustrious 0.5 star. Getaway is another full-blown stinker! Avoid it at all cost. I also disliked White House Down, Now You See Me, and After Earth.

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