Top 10 Films to avoid before flying
Alternatively, for those that love all things aircraft and air travel related, this list could be titled: ten things to make airplane journeys more…erm…interesting. Here are ten films that feature air travel, air crashes, desert island survival, er, skiing, cannibalism, wife kidnapping, building your own plane, and new ways to experience wildlife while flying economy.
Tyler Durden: “Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you’re taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It’s all right here. Emergency water landing – 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.”
10. Flightplan (Schwentke, 2005)
In-flight entertainment: Fun for all the family. We will hide your daughter somewhere on board the plane. Your job is to find her before we kill her.
Note to travellers: We no longer accept requests for wives to be hidden on the plane. This is because husbands didn’t bother looking for them.
9. Six Days, Seven Nights (Reitman, 1998)
In-flight entertainment: Love at a thousand feet. No need for awkward dating or matchmaker websites. We will fly you up to the skies, get hit by lightning, crash on a desert island and leave you and your new friend to fall head over heels in love.
Note to travellers: A small packed lunch is necessary. Try to pack this in waterproof, crash-proof packaging.
8. Air Force One (Petersen, 1997)
In-flight entertainment: ‘Foreign’ terrorists will take control of the plane and threaten to kill you.
Note to travellers: Escape pod can only fit one person. We recommend family groups draw straws.
7. Con Air (West, 1997)
In-flight entertainment: A bunch of mean murderers, rapists, and con artists will take control of the plane. Please remain calm and ensure your tray tables are in their upright and locked position.
Note to travellers: Any questions or concerns should be directed towards the guy with the long, sandy blond hair and the strong southern accent.
6. The Flight of the Phoenix (Aldrich, 1964 & Moore, 2004)
In-flight entertainment: Have you seen Scrapheap Challenge? Oh yes, you are going to build your own plane!
Note to travellers: Don’t forget the “Idiots Guide to Building Your Own Plane”.
5. Alive (Marshall, 1993)
In-flight entertainment: Have you ever gone skiing? Well, we bring the skiing experience to you. We will (crash) land you on one of the most picturesque and scarcely used ski slopes in the Andes. Via your airplane fuselage, we will send you hurtling down the mountain for a once in a lifetime experience.
Note to travellers: A small amount of cannibalism is necessary on arrival.
4. Cast Away (Zemeckis, 2000)
In-flight entertainment: There is no entertainment when flying air-freight. We hope the free plane ticket is entertainment enough.
Note to travellers: If, for any reason, you are stranded on a desert island, Fed Ex packages remain the private property of our customers and should not be opened or tampered with in anyway. Failure to adhere to this rule will result in prosecution.
3. Final Destination (Wong, 2000)
In-flight entertainment: By breaking open half the plane we are making air travel health conscious with fresh, crisp high-altitude air.
Note to travellers: Oxygen is at a premium so gas masks are recommended.
2. Snakes On A Plane (Ellis/Hallaby, 2006)
In-flight entertainment: Don’t waste money at San Diego Zoo! We bring the zoo to you. On-board you will sample every kind of poisonous snake known to man. These are the most dangerous snakes found on the planet. You’ll have to opportunity to touch and directly interact with the snakes without moving from your seat.
Note to travellers: Those with snake allergies or anyone prone to the effects of deadly snake venom should travel with suitable amounts of antiserum.
1. Airport 1975 (Smight, 1974)
In-flight entertainment: Have you ever experienced an airplane cockpit first hand? Here is your chance.
Note to travellers: Please remember your copy of the “Pilot’s Pocket Manual” as you will have to pilot and land a Boeing 747.
Mwahahaha… fun list, Dan. I’m not planning on flying any time soon but I’ll be sure to refer back to this list when I do. Snakes on a Plane is definitely one to avoid, but I’d think Cast Away might actually be helpful if you do end up getting stranded
Haha…that’s true Ruth. Next list will be ten films TO WATCH before flying…in case you end up stranded on a desert island!
hehe awesome list Dan. Over the years, my aversion for flying has grown slowly. These movies probably wouldn’t be too good for me before or during a flight
Hahaha this list is just brilliant.
I didn’t remember how much I liked 6 Days, 7 nights, whatever happened to the charming version of Anne Heche?
watching an Anne Heche movie anywhere is frightening
Hahahahahahahaha! GREAT list!
I was thinking Alive should be #1 but then saw Snakes On A Plane and Castaway and who can argue that.
Thanks for the original list and morning laugh Dan!
Oh right, Alive would be a good choice, yikes!
So Dan, hope you’re past the 666 comments now
I thought for sure Fight Club would be mentioned.
Although I would rate Six Days and Seven Nights higher, I would hate to be stuck with Anne Heche on an island.
Great List idea Dan! Very entertaining, and perfect top 5 picks (I must admit, I haven’t seen any of the films in the 6 to 10 position).
Personally, I love flying…it means I’m going on vacation! I try not to dwell too much on the crashing and dying part.
@Castor: I never had a fear of flying until our return flight from a holiday in Italy in 2006 back to the UK. We started our descent then suddenly the pilot goes to full power and pulls up back above the clouds. I thought ‘what the hell is going on’!? Nothing was said. Five mins later he starts his approach and again the same thing happens. Now, if I wasn’t nervous after the first aborted attempt I was now. I was thinking – for whatever reason – this plane cannot land!
Another few minutes pass…now, I’m thinking we’re running out of fuel. Eventually, the pilot comes on the radio to say that we are diverting to another airport because a low-flying small aircraft in our flight path is not responding to radio communication. Whether that was the truth or not, I don’t know.
@Jose: Cheers Jose. Heche’s career decline seemed to go into decline after she came out of the closet. If I’m not mistaken she’s now gone back into the closet so maybe she’ll turn out some decent films again.
@McG: …can’t disagree with you there. Also, I have this strange sense of deja vu when I see her movies! Especially that Psycho film she did…
@Heather: A morning laugh always gets the day off to a good start!
@rtm: Yes! Cheers Ruth. Maybe the curse will get the 666th poster…whoever that might have been…haha!
@Fitz: Fight Club did come into my thinking but in the end I only reference it with the flight card ‘borrowed’ from the film at the top of the page.
@goregirl: If I’m being honest Flightplan is rubbish! Especially after you know the twist…which I did kind of ruin a bit with the joke (so don’t read that again if you’ve forgotten and might see the film!) Very good advice for those suffering from a fear of flying though! Haha!
Out of all of these, Final Destination totally freaked me out. And Con Air is still one of my all time top favourite movies. I wouldn’t mind being on a plane with Nic Cage and John Malkovich, even if they were crazy:)
Being stuck with Anne Heche for as long as Harrison Ford did, is enough to kill myself already.
Even though Six Days, Seven Nights has a plane crash, it’s not the least bit frightening. No one dies, and the two make it back within days. The only casualty is David Schwimmer’s engagement.
Would substitute with Passengers (a drama with Anne Hathaway)
And how could Alive not be number one?
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