Top 10 Anti-Date Films
Or alternatively, the top 10 films a guy wouldn’t want to take a girl to on a date. We’ve all heard of the date movie. We’ve even heard, or unfortunately seen, “Date Movie”. But there are films out there that you would definitely not take your date to.
If a great movie for that first outing between girl and boy is about love, romance, happy people, and happy endings, then the anti-date movie doesn’t recognise romance, it shuns love, celebrates misery, and ends unhappily.
Things you’ll learn from the following top 10 list: Michael Douglas movies are not for taking dates to.
So if you really want your date to end without a final kiss, or you just want to have a laugh at your other halves’ expense, check out the following ten films.
10. Switchblade Romance (Aja, France, 2003)
Jealousy is a killer in Aja’s violent slasher film. If the before-movie meal was spaghetti bolognese prepare to see more of it on screen…and in your date’s lap!
9. Blue Velvet (Lynch, USA, 1986)
The tendencies of a sociopath, the sexual allure of voyeurism, bizarre drug taking, dry humping, and a touch of sadomasochism – not the sort of thing to enjoy after dinner and dry white wine.
8. Audition (Miike, South Korea/Japan, 1999)
This is not the way to treat a woman. The consequences might just be more off-putting for the guy than the girl.
7. Spanking The Monkey (O. Russell, USA, 1994)
Son goes home from college and wants to sleep with his own mother. The sentiment is reciprocated. Hardly the best first impression.
6. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (Nichols, USA, 1966)
…and we all live happily ever after – or do we? Mike Nichols’ tale of ‘romance’ after marriage.
5. The War of the Roses (DeVito, USA, 1989)
Danny DeVito’s celebration of love and marriage – NOT! Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner turn their wedding vows into a declaration of all out war.
4. Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (Mazursky, USA, 1969)
A great film to watch if you want to tell your date multiple partners are a good thing. Also great, for those in a long relationship, to tell that loved one you now want to give swinging a go.
3. Sunset Boulevard (Wilder, USA, 1950)
Billy Wilder’s film tells us to partner up for all the wrong reasons – greed, social mobility, career progression, personal identity. Just the tonic for a first date then.
2. Fatal Attraction (Lynn, USA, 1987)
Michael Douglas doesn’t have the best record with women in his films. Not only is he here on this list in “War of the Roses”, “Basic Instinct”, and “Fatal Attraction”, he also found troubles in “Disclosure” after having office nookie with Demi Moore. In “Fatal Attraction” he thinks affairs are good and finds that they most certainly are not. If there’s any rabbits reading please take my advice and avoid this movie!
1. Basic Instinct (Verhoeven, USA, 1992)
Paul Verhoeven’s celebration of Sharon Stone’s body is more likely to result in being slapped than slept with. Murder, sex, drugs, breasts and bottoms, Michael Douglas humping again, and Sharon Stone giving us the most erotic police interrogation scene ever filmed, “Basic Instinct” is as anti-romance as they come.
How is Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf not number one. It makes me not want to get married, drink alcohol (have sex with a slim-hipped woman). Ha.
Revolutionary Road is a bit like the ultimate ANTI-date movie. DEPRESSING.
Glad Basic Instinct is No.1. I can’t imagine what that movie would be a good for.
Ah, what I wouldn’t give to watch disillusioned young couples exiting these films, especially Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Probably have to put Irreversible on here…or Requiem for a Dream. Pretty much anything would be better for a date movie than them…oh, and the 10 above:P
Good thing I didn’t read this during lunch. Seriously Dan, there’s gotta be some other pic for that Audition movie?? I will never see either one of these, but from what I’ve heard/read, Serbian Film and AntiChrist would fit into this category.
Seconding Irreversible and Requiem for a Dream. I didn’t even like watching (not to say they’re bad films, they’re not, just hard to enjoy) those movies by myself let alone with a date.
I think Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is more of an anti-marriage movie, if you ask me.
Good list. I practically knew that Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction would be on here.
Is this devised based on personal experience, Dan? I hope not. If so, next time, just stick to the latest mindless Rom-Com.
I’d nominate Boogie Nights as well.
@Encore: I know but when I conceived of the list Basic Instinct stuck out as the one film that wouldn’t work for a first date.
@Richard: Cheers Richard. Basic Instinct was the first film I thought of when compiling this list.
@Alyson: True – I’m not against being romantic but on a typically cynical day this would be a joyful sight!
@Marc/Fitz: Yeah, interesting choices.
@rtm: There are a few more pics from Audition. It was either that one or the one where she cuts off his foot!
@Anna: Yeah, that’s what I was going for. Just as War of the Roses is anti-marriage, I thought about films that displayed the idea of where a first date could lead – relationship/marriage/kids etc. – so Virginia and War tell us about marriage, Spanking The Monkey tell us about messed up kids.
@Kaiderman: Haha…yeah I made some bad decisions, no wonder my dates ended up unsuccessful!
Basic Instinct is a great first date movie! it has Wayne Knight!
War of the Roses is a movie for any occasion, great film
Great list!
A lady friend of mine actually ended up seeing Crash by Cronenberg when she went on a date. She said she had never felt more displaced.
The first date movie I ever had with my (now) wife was The Passion Of The Christ.
Not a great first date movie either….
Oh, and I agree with those who mentioned Requiem For A Dream and Irreversible. Both horrendously un-date-worthy….
I’d like to add Greenberg to the list.
Second date with my girlfriend and like twenty minutes in there is this very odd scene where Stiller ackwardly goes down on Gerwig. I’m surprised she didn’t dump me.
@Rodney More like The Passion Killer of the Christ
my first date with one beautiful young lady was “Prospero’s Books” (Greenaway), that was some high risk gamble about her intellectual stimulateabilty… (no that is not a word…). worked well, married her. watching “From Dusk Til Dawn” with another one did work well at the time. watching “Henry & June” with yet another one was… interesting.
The one film where I wished I had a first or whatever kind of date with me but did not? “9 Songs”!
Great story Thomas. I wish I had added 9 Songs to this list now – I’m not a fan of it but I’m sure it would have an adverse effect to any well-meaning date!
Viginia Wolfe and Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice are two of my girlfreinds favorite movies. If I had asked to her out to a showing of either of those when we had first started going out, it would have made bigtime points for me, so it sort of depends on whether your date is a movie nut of a certain type or not.
Here’s one that could be a real romance killer- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Think about it.
One word: Irreversible. Boom.
That’s one hell of a post. I’m sure your anti-date list has given a lot of headaches to the owners of Archies & Hallmark – the card companies who created the hype & frenzy behind Valentine’s Day in order to sell more cards.
On a more serious note, your list contains some truly fascinating films that I’ve loved, movies like Sunset Blvd., Basic Instinct, and the likes. The post is undoubtedly the result of great ideation!!!
@Scott: Do not let her go! Any girl who loves Virginia Woolfe and Bob & Carol is a keeper!
@Andrew: Definitely.
@Shubhajit: As the list suggests I’m a bit unromantic when it comes to Valentine’s Day. However, I still give the card-makers hard-earned money to keep my fiancee happy!
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