Friday the 13th is a quintessential slasher film that spawned endless sequels that got dumber and dumber. Dan Grant takes a look at the franchise’s silliest, funniest, dumbest moments.
Jason Voorhees is up there with the most iconic serial killers in the slasher genre. Alongside Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) and Michael Myers (Halloween), Jason is one of the most memorable bad guys in modern horror film history. With the hockey mask to hide his scarred face, a mighty six foot five frame, and a sharp, bladed weapon in hand, his presence is an instant nerve jangler.
However, as the Friday the 13th franchise spawned more sequels, things got sillier and sillier. It turns out that while Jason might be scary, the films that tell his stories are often hilariously stupid. Dan Grant, a self-confessed devotee to the franchise, recalls his favourite “dumb” moments from a series that threw plot consistency and logic well and truly out the window.
10. “I hate swimming unless there’s prey on the lake…”
In part IV, Sam is killed after she strips naked and swims out to a rubber dingy. This is in the middle of the lake. She is killed by Jason’s machete. This means Jason swam out to kill her. Jason wasn’t a good swimmer as mentioned by his mom and drowning was how he initially died. Why would he swim out to kill anyone?
9. Swimming with the fishes
At the end of Friday the 13th Part VI, Jason has hit neck cut wide open by a propeller and then he is left to die at the bottom of Crystal Lake. I know that Tommy says that for Jason to be killed he has to return to the place that initially killed him, the lake. But in part VII, he is still there. No one has found him while fishing, or swimming or boating. There is just a dead man in a hockey mask resting about two feet under the water, anchored down by rock. Does no one live in Crystal Lake?
8. Campfire plot holes
In part 3, when Chris and Rick are talking by themselves after he leaves because of Shelly getting his window broken, she tells him a story of being attacked by a hideous looking man in the middle of the woods. This of course is Jason, but she tells of trying to get away from Jason, being in his grasp, blacking out and then waking up in her bed. This is impossible also and it is another brilliant turn from the scriptwriters. What did Jason do? Have her in his grasp, watch her pass out, and then let her go because he no longer wanted to kill her? And then did he carry her to her home, knock on the door and give her back to her dad?
7. Calling out for help…or not as the case may be
It seems like Part 3 is ripe for criticism. Strangely enough it is one of my favourite episodes but it is just so inept at times. There is a scene where Rick gets his eyeball squeezed out of his socket and it jumps out at the audience in glorious 3D. 30 seconds before that he is being held by Jason just out of sight from Chris. Jason has his hand over his mouth. Rick can’t seem to scream or make any noise. Chris is about two feet away from him so all he would have to do is make the slightest sound and she would have heard him. But the director (Steve Miner) would have you believe that if you cover someone’s mouth with your hand, they can make no sound. Go ahead and try it. Cover your mouth and then try to scream. See what kind of noise comes out.
6. Jason – say “Cheese!”
In Friday the 13th The Final Chapter, Rob, the Jason hunter, shows Trish all his news clippings that he has of the Crystal Lake murders. Many of the clippings are interesting but there is one that shows Jason face to face. He even has his machete raised, although you can’t really see it. The question is, who took that picture? And why did Jason let them get a close up of him? If you see Jason, you die. He doesn’t pose for pictures.
5. Is that a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Jason Voorhees…floating!
In Part IV, Jason kills Tina, one of the twins, by pulling her out of a 2nd story window. Two things. One, how did he get there as her and Jimbo just finished having sex in that bedroom, so he couldn’t have snuck in and then let himself out onto the overhang. And two, there is no overhang. If you watch the scene, it literally looks like he is suspended in mid air.
4. Magic Jason
In Part 2, Alice is the only surviving member from the first. She is back at home in the middle of the city somewhere. She is then killed by Jason. How did he know where she lives and how did he get there?
3. Character holes and plot holes
In Friday the 13th part V, the New Beginning, Roy, the paramedic, becomes Jason. Roy too is about 5’9 and he is a little chunky. But I’m willing to ignore that. Maybe he wore a slimming suit when he donned the mask. Maybe he wore really big boots to make him taller. All of this is possible. What isn’t possible is that Roy, the very much alive and very much normal human being, cannot shatter wooden doors, he cannot take a machete to the chest and he cannot take a bulldozer to the stomach and keep going like nothing happened. Jason can do this, because he is Jason. Roy cannot do this because he drives a frikkin ambulance.
2. …sorry, I mistook you for a monster-sized serial killer
Characters mistake short, fat guys for tall, lean, muscular un-dead men. Two funny scenarios for this are when Shelly goes into the barn in a wet suit in part 3, and because he is carrying the harpoon and mask, Vera mistakes Jason for him just before he shoots the harpoon into her eye. Shelly is about 5’9 and round. Jason in part 3 is about 6’5 and shaped like a statue. No way you could mistake one for the other. The other is our lovely couple at the beginning of 3 again. Jason, our 6’5 powerhouse, is standing in the yard as Edna’s laundry blows in the wind. She sees him and says, “Harold?” as she just finished watching the news which told her that there was a slaughter at Crystal Lake the night before and the killer has not been caught. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
1. Toilet Break
And the number one stupidest and funniest observation about Friday the 13th, might make you a bit queasy. I hope you are not having lunch. The characters in Friday the 13th are some of the most disgusting characters in movie history. There are three instances where people are doing their business in the bathroom and they do not wipe their behinds before going off to find out what they strange noise was. Harold, the roadside convenience store owner at the beginning of 3, also in 3, the Cheech and Chong dude and in part V, Damon, the older brother of Reggie, all are on the toilet, hear a strange noise and then pull up their pants after doing a number 2. Damon is the worse of the bunch as you hear him doing his business but no TP is used for the bung hole. Very unsavoury individuals.
I hope you enjoyed this lighter side of Friday the 13th – what are your favourite silly moments?
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